I am sitting here tonight at school. I cannot seem to get everything done. Last night I was lamenting the injured heart of a person who works really hard and does not feel appreciated or understood. Here I sit tonight pouring more of my heart into my work.
Tonight, it is bulletin boards, which I gave up a LONG time ago. We are preparing for an evaluation, and I am in charge of creating 6 uniform bulletin boards. That’s right. UNIFORM, as in do not at any cost stray from said plan *gasp*
This task is daunting for a lot of reasons:
- I am not good at them.
- Did I mention they have to be UNIFORM.
- Opinions of others matter to me (there I said it)
- Options of others keep developing for the board before I can get them up that were not a part of the original UNIFORM plan.
I am finding myself feeling an inch away from inflexible and a mile away from my comfort zone. And I am longing for perfection.
That’s right I am a perfectionist. You would not know it from my messy teacher desk area, or my cluttered bedroom, but here is how I know:
- I am anxious when things go off of the decided upon plan, UNLESS I decided to make it that way.
- Clutter makes me anxious, but it seems insurmountable in a room full of kids, and at a home I don’t see enough. So I don’t touch it.
- I was just cutting the titles for said uniform bulletin boards, and I had the thought, “Someone is going to find out that this side is bordered in 2 mm of green border, and the other is closer to 3.” Who thinks these things?
For now it is time to go home, leave this crazy mess, and relax. For now, it is a classroom that belongs to and is maintained by kids, and I am making myself okay with this (after 21 years of the same). For now I will say no to the next project, say yes to more time at home…..well, after grades are posted.