Blogging is Still Hard for Me and other musings, solc19 Day 9

I made it to day nine. That’s a record for any challenge. I’m committed, but wow, is this hard. What do I want people to know? What do I want to share about my life and experience? My age dictates that I do have some good life experiences but my 12 year old self would have written with abandon. And never looked back.

My anxiety kept me up last night. There was itching, jaw clenching, snacking, and meditating.

Then there was “the dream.” Background: Our school has a new principal with a great vision and who I absolutely adore. But change is hard. So I had THE dream.

Before I share, I have to tell you I love teaching 10 year olds, and I have loved every year that I have taught, but one year, in the middle of January my world was rocked. I was told I was now a first grade teacher after teaching and excelling in 4th and 3rd for over a decade.

The dream. All dreams are very vague and consumed with different imagery, but the thing I remember most was the conversation and the words, “Next year you are teaching Kinder.” Now I know this is not nightmare stuff for most, but it definitely woke me from my sleep.

There is a lot of uncertainty as change is inevitable. My brain chooses to process it in my subconscious, recalling previous events, and scaring me with my biggest challenges I have faced.

Breathe.

I am reminded to go back to my habits of effective people, my life mantra, my guiding principles.

The one we are working on as a school: Change starts with me.

To me this means that I need to work on stress responses, for my own well being. I need to be ok with change. Not the “I am going to teach kindergarten” change (for real this terrifies me). Bit I need to compartmentalize the whispered conversations of change and live in the current reality. It is not perfect, but it is pretty good.

I need to focus on my circle of control, ignore other people’s anxiety and be secure in myself and the future God has for me.

4 thoughts on “Blogging is Still Hard for Me and other musings, solc19 Day 9”

  1. If someone told me I had to teach kindergarten (dream or real life) I think I would consider quitting. Those teachers are saints! But many people say the same about middle school! I love all of your quotes you shared, and I need to write some of them down. I love that your school is embracing change but placing the importance with “me”. That is empowering.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love the mantra you’ve adopted.
    Change starts with me.
    And I share your fear of kinder.
    Your post has lots of depth and made me understand your struggle, even the anxiety bout with the all too familiar itching and snacking and teeth grinding. I could post on that ! Thanks 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Love all of these quotes – will be adding them to my notebook. I also giggled a little that your nightmare included the phrase “next year you are teaching Kinder.” I spent 11 years in your nightmare and it was my first love! I’ve only graduated to 1st. My nightmare would be “you’re going to 5th grade” (and I’ve had that dream before) 🙂

    Like

  4. I’ve taught 11th grade, 12th grade, and college. You can imagine how I feel about teaching kindergarten! That literally sounds like the hardest job in the world to me! I love all the quote and resolutions here, and I think you are so right about change. Whenever I’m struggling with someone else’s behavior, I like to remind myself that the only person I can change is me. In general, though, change is not my favorite thing either!

    Liked by 1 person

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