I made it to day nine. That’s a record for any challenge. I’m committed, but wow, is this hard. What do I want people to know? What do I want to share about my life and experience? My age dictates that I do have some good life experiences but my 12 year old self would have written with abandon. And never looked back.
My anxiety kept me up last night. There was itching, jaw clenching, snacking, and meditating.
Then there was “the dream.” Background: Our school has a new principal with a great vision and who I absolutely adore. But change is hard. So I had THE dream.
Before I share, I have to tell you I love teaching 10 year olds, and I have loved every year that I have taught, but one year, in the middle of January my world was rocked. I was told I was now a first grade teacher after teaching and excelling in 4th and 3rd for over a decade.
The dream. All dreams are very vague and consumed with different imagery, but the thing I remember most was the conversation and the words, “Next year you are teaching Kinder.” Now I know this is not nightmare stuff for most, but it definitely woke me from my sleep.
There is a lot of uncertainty as change is inevitable. My brain chooses to process it in my subconscious, recalling previous events, and scaring me with my biggest challenges I have faced.
I am reminded to go back to my habits of effective people, my life mantra, my guiding principles.
The one we are working on as a school: Change starts with me.
To me this means that I need to work on stress responses, for my own well being. I need to be ok with change. Not the “I am going to teach kindergarten” change (for real this terrifies me). Bit I need to compartmentalize the whispered conversations of change and live in the current reality. It is not perfect, but it is pretty good.
I need to focus on my circle of control, ignore other people’s anxiety and be secure in myself and the future God has for me.